Fighting my own mind

I try to lay down, instantly my entire body is washed in discomfort. No matter how “tired” I become, sleep eludes me, or rather my body eludes sleep. Read, watch TV, stare at the ceiling, hope. Nothing. I yawn so big I have to close my eyes, but as much as my head wants to sleep my legs want to run, my arms want to climb, and even my toes fight to stay awake.

My insomnia is a recent problem, but not a new one. Years ago sleep was a battle, and staying well rested was a war. I lost for about a year and a half. Over the last couple years I’ve been able to keep it under control, or at least until my return from Colorado a couple weeks ago. I was there registering for school, and its no coincidence the last time I couldn’t sleep was when I was still going to school. I’ve always believed I write better tired, and because my head tends to follow self fulfilling prophecies I wouldn’t be surprised if this is just my unconscious brain (we'll call it Larry) preparing for a career of writing. What Larry hasn’t realized is that I am accustomed to sleeping well, and though I can live on 20 hours of sleep a week I don’t prefer it.

My conscious self (Fred) seems to get into fights with Larry on a regular basis. Despite the idea being one that tip-toes on the brink of insanity, Fred can usually defeat Larry with a siege of thoughts that counter whatever rationalizations Larry makes. In this case, as I said, Larry thinks I write better when I lack sleep. Ignoring the fact that this piece of writing itself counters that belief, Fred will need to go on a campaign of pro-sleep thoughts for a week or two in order to really seal the victory. Fred vs. Larry. I have my money on Fred, but this won't be any first round knockout.